So, I’ve Been Nervous to Write About This…

But, I’ve really been wanting to talk about it too.  And I feel like this is the only place I can talk about it discreetly and get what’s necessary for me to get off chest gone. 

So, the night of my birthday, one of the girls I invited over spent the night, and something very unexpected happened.  To be honest, I should’ve seen it coming.  We were sort of touching all night, and of course there is always sex talk when alcohol is involved.  But it really did take me by surprise.

Part of it is that I feel like this kind of girl would be completely out of my league.  She’s busty and curvy with a bright smile and wavy hair.  She’s gorgeous, like seriously.  I do not measure up in hotness.  I’m little, skinny but round.  I have long ass hair, and I dress like a fucking Gothic fairy or something.  I am odd next to her.

So, when she started kissing the back of my neck, I almost didn’t realize what was about to happen.  I turned around, and the next thing I knew we were on the bed, grinding against each other, making out wildly.  It was ridiculous how turned on I was, and there were so many things I wish I could’ve done.

We talked about it briefly in the morning, and then dropped it.  But we haven’t seen each other since, and we want to hang out again soon.  We’re great friends, and I do feel like we bonded… on a non sexual basis, although we obviously did get physically close. 

Anyway, I’m pretty sure it was just a one time thing, and I really wouldn’t want to risk our friendship by doing something stupid or that we’re not ready for.  I mean we both just became single women… To jump into this would just be… Not wise. 

Besides, the last couple of times I’ve masturbated, I’ve thought of that moment.  I don’t know how I’m going to handle looking at her and resisting the urge to jump in her pants. 

We’ll see how it goes.

1 year ago

The Shake Tastes Like Burnt Popcorn.

At least that’s what it tasted like when I hit it out of the gravety bong.  It’s a little gross.

My head kind of hurts, and my knee is throbing.  I don’t like it, and I can’t seem to get it go away -_-. 

….

I really have to do some work on myself.  I am not taking very good care of myself.  And I’m starting to feel pathetic. 

At my age, I should be farther than I am.  But I really don’t have much to show for myself.  I can’t seem to make a decision about anything without questioning it, so I just do what people tell me to do.  Or at least that’s how I feel sometimes.  I have a hard time motivating myself, when I have no reason to doubt myself.  I’ve never had a real job.  I took one semester of school.  And I’m totally slacking as an aunt.  I need to step up as an aunt…

I just wish I was more prepared. 

1 year ago